I’m a lover of words, I’ve always been. Often I come across quotes of breakups, and quite can’t relate. Do you know that the top 3 reasons for breakups are cheating, bad sex and finances? Isn’t it weird? We could never suffer through that, considering we were SO MUCH IN LOVE. Like as in Disney world, no?
It’s been one year and I cry to my sleep daily. You mustn’t believe as I was the one to end things between us. And you made peace with it, assuming that I was overthinking and had troubles because of clinical depression resulting in existential crises. You thought I couldn’t be saved, so you let me go. I wanted you to sink into that assumption. You never knew what went wrong, because you didn’t even deserve it.
Well, you stopped deserving a lot of things a while ago but I continued to give in. Because of my senseless radical theory that I owed it to you. Hence, I kept giving and giving until one day I couldn’t feel a thing for you. I felt numb about your existence.
Guess what? You can love the person and yet not enough, to make them stay. I speculate, it got proved right for both of us.
I loved you with my heart and soul, but were you the best thing that could happen to me? I don’t think so. You never cared enough, and best things are called ‘best’ for a reason. They don’t hurt you, they don’t tear you into pieces.
Maybe the reality of our relationship made me a better lover. I comprehend and appreciate love finer than before. I didn’t have a heartbreak, but my heart broke every single day – waiting, crying, caring and most importantly, trying.
I don’t wish any good or bad thing for you, because honestly I don’t care anymore. My last ounce of energy is exhausted. You’re not the last boy I could be with, but you were the last one whom I gave a chance to screw me over. I’m glad we’re apart.
I’m sure one day I’ll find a man enough to embrace my darkness and reveal his own. The one who isn’t insecure or hesitant, but who is proud to have me. I might not be his trophy, surely won’t be his secret.
I live for the day when my faith in real lover is restored and for a change, I’d start getting what I deserve. Someday.
Yours? Don’t even think.